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like whatever

Stolen from kindletheflame

Totally like whatever, you know?
By Taylor Mali

In case you hadn't noticed,
it has somehow become uncool
to sound like you know what you're talking about?
Or believe strongly in what you're saying?
Invisible question marks and parenthetical (you know?)'s
have been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences?
Even when those sentences aren't, like, questions? You know?

Declarative sentences - so-called
because they used to, like, DECLARE things to be true
as opposed to other things which were, like, not -
have been infected by a totally hip
and tragically cool interrogative tone? You know?
Like, don't think I'm uncool just because I've noticed this;
this is just like the word on the street, you know?
It's like what I've heard?
I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions, okay?
I'm just inviting you to join me in my uncertainty?

What has happened to our conviction?
Where are the limbs out on which we once walked?
Have they been, like, chopped down
with the rest of the rain forest?
Or do we have, like, nothing to say?
Has society become so, like, totally . . .
I mean absolutely . . . You know?
That we've just gotten to the point where it's just, like . . .
whatever!

And so actually our disarticulation . . . ness
is just a clever sort of . . . thing
to disguise the fact that we've become
the most aggressively inarticulate generation
to come along since . . .
you know, a long, long time ago!

I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you,
I challenge you: To speak with conviction.
To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks
the determination with which you believe it.
Because contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker,
it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY.
You have to speak with it, too.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
datajana2007
Apr. 20th, 2008 10:00 am (UTC)
I like this.
quirkofonic
May. 3rd, 2008 11:15 am (UTC)
I hope I don't sound too full of myself, but if I think I know what I'm talking about, I try to say what I need to without hesitation or apology. That being said, I always leave room for disagreement and any needed correction.
Also, on a side note, this practice of saying everything with an upward inflection like a question reminds me of a regular character on the late-night sketch comedy show "Mad TV." I forget the character's name or who played her, because I'm not familiar with the cast, but this character was a teenage girl and I swear everything she said was spoken like a question, even if it wasn't. But yeah, I'm hip to all this overuse of "like" and "sort of" and whatever else. Oops, I think I fell victim to it just then. Perhaps it's time for me to press the send button and put up the dishes before I really get in trouble. Hahahaha!

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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