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comments on being defriended

I sometimes get into discussions online in which I disagree with people. I have a fairly direct style of communication; but it doesn't mean that I don't care. If I feel that I am being manipulated, I will say so. I don't have time to do a lot of circular dialogue. However, if someone is in deep distress and needs time spent, I will make time if I can at all do so.

The fact that I post something with a strong opinion does not mean that I am being "nasty." These kinds of accusations are very hurtful to me, as they are attacks on my personal motivations. If you choose to defriend me over something you don't like, that is fine; but please do not accuse me of nastiness to the rest of your friends behind my back. If something I say upsets you, either simply remove me quietly or take it up with me personally. Please do not further wound me in the process of defriending me.

I welcome people back at any time. I do not enjoy disquiet in relationships.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
jenandbronze
Apr. 2nd, 2010 02:31 am (UTC)
Geez!!!! I can understand exactly. I found out this morning, one person I wasn't completely close to, decided over a stupid thing, unfriend me and block me on MSN. Just because I shared details on how to best share thoughts on wanting bus services in her area, since petitions don't always hot water, etc. I was polite about it. I also knew for her area, there was little chance of bus service starting in a small little area, like I know it can't be done in my area due to very few people living here, and it wouldn't be financially responsible to have one started here. I can't resolve something if the person doesn't communicate with me, in an adult manner. It isn't my problem if they are incommunicado.

HUGS to you!
shazza59
Apr. 2nd, 2010 02:53 am (UTC)
Defriending
Defriending is one of those tough, difficult things for me. A lot of people announce a "friends cut" before they do it and others, like me, try to slip away quietly because I don't like confrontation. Your style of communication, Sarah, is in all likelihood better than mine. Most of the time, I stay on a person's flist longer than I ought, to save drama, over reacting, or to save myself from being confronted by the one I defriend. Only one time have I made a wrong decision re defriending and we both know about that. (Thank God I came to my senses and you were welcoming, dear friend.)
It's hard, but when a defriending happens for whatever reason, being treated badly or slandered by the one you defriended isn't good and certainly not necessary.
Very warm hugs.
3kitties
Apr. 2nd, 2010 03:05 am (UTC)
Re: Defriending
[hugs] I'm glad you're back and hope to meet you in person one day!

It was very hard for me to learn to communicate well. For much of my life I either did not communicate, or I would take things extremely hard and beg and plead for people to make things ok. I would have been the first person to cave if there was a conflict, even if what I was doing was not respectable. Looking back, I don't like the person I once was much at all, and I wouldn't really feel that I could rely on that person compared to the person I am now.
hickory1996
Apr. 2nd, 2010 03:01 am (UTC)
I could not agree with you more. Sometimes people just need to agree to disagree and really love your caring but blunt styule and in case you have not figured out, I am the same way. I will tell you what I think and if you don't like it, either tell me or get over it but do not talk behind my back, that is just wrong on so many fronts.
kl1964
Apr. 2nd, 2010 06:05 am (UTC)
I've danced this dance more times than I care to think about, as you well know. Usually it comes down to the other person being unwilling to accept what you're trying to say. I, for one, appreciate your direct style. I don't always like what you say, might not even agree with it, but I know that there is no malice behind any of it. A friend, even a casual one, should be free to tell you if you happen to have spinach in your teeth, either figuratively or literally. The fact that the other person might go viral on you because, darn it, maybe spinach in the teeth is a fashion statement, have you ever thought of that, how dare you assume, etc., etc., doesn't minimize the facts at all. What bugs me are the times where, if you offer unqualified support, you are hailed as a valued and honored friend, but offer even constructive criticism, and you're a stranger. Oh well, time to stop thinking and start sleeping.
quicksilver555
Apr. 2nd, 2010 01:02 pm (UTC)
sorry you had to go thru this.I too have had this happen to me-actualy on livejournal like 10 years ago under my old account morpheus1031

you are right,it isnt nice to talk behind people's backs like that and i wish you well and think you are a good and insightfull person

you are in my prayers,i think your realy quite cool!
amyb0223
Apr. 2nd, 2010 05:58 pm (UTC)
Obviously whoever unfriended you wasn't a true friend to begin with. a true friend would have the decency to come to you and at least explain the reason for the unfriending.
a real friend, would also have the maturity not to trash you behind your back in a public forum; since what ever's online is basically public anyway even if it's protected. You have to trust that the people reading what you write aren't going to go play cut and paste. I've seen folks do it; so basically, he/she is trashing you in a public forum and that's incredibly immature and rude.
It's your journal, and you should feel safe that whoever you have listed as your "friends," are really that, and that you are safe to spout off about what ever. It's, your journal. Those who don't like it may leave if they choose, but if they are truly your friends as opposed to mere readers of your writing, they ought to at least tell you why they unfriended you.
sophiedoph
Apr. 6th, 2010 02:42 am (UTC)
*hug*
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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