I just need to get this out. I went in the kitchen and fixed myself some lunch. It was a major ordeal. I have been planning to do some baking for a trip I'm taking tomorrow, and I still might. It's so overwhelming, though, and I am finding myself thinking about things and having a lot of fears. I don't want to have to be taken care of for the rest of my life. That just scares me. For me it would mean giving up more things I dream about. I don't want to go there in my mind, but I don't know how not to when fixing a bowl of leftovers is a big deal. I've kept hoping that someday I would still be able to have a family. But if I can't take care of me, how will I take care of them...? And what doctor is even going to listen to me?