Well, today has been a strange day. I very rarely get angry, but today I did. Some people have been harassing me and a friend in the name of criticizing the way we ran an email group that my friend had founded. Really the harassment was just insults and false accusations and threats. I've been as "adult" as I could during the past six months that this has been going on, and finally we decided to just close the list, really hoping the people would leave us alone. Of course, they didn't--they have to have the last word and include a threat in it.
I know the truth. I know that this is all the behavior of people who are sick and can't handle anything but their own twisted version of reality in which they are victims--they even accused me of harassment and plagiarism but could never produce the evidence (because there is none). But knowing the truth doesn't make any of this less painful. I thought bullying was something junior high kids did--no offense to any junior high kids who read here. More than that, I'm angry that these people talk about working so hard to learn to use effective communication skills, etc., while they spout emotional venom at me. I've gone out of my way not to mention their names, and when I explained my reason for closing the group I did not mention the names of anyone who has caused problems for me and my friend as moderators. Yet I am accused of stalking them? Yes, I know it's just a sign that someone else can't stand to be anything but a victim. But *I* am hurt. I will forget eventually, but in the meantime I need to find a way to stop the pain or at least stop thinking about it.
So I went away from the computer for a while and tried playing some music that I've been trying to learn by ear. I finally figured out how to play the difficult part that I've had so much trouble with because some of the notes are in frequencies I can't hear. That was a nice accomplishment and made me feel like I haven't lost music as a way to soothe myself.
Then I came back and had a nice surprise: a voice chat with Astrid ! That really helped get my mind a bit off being hurt and made me feel like I was doing something interesting not just for me but also for someone else.
This just sets off memories of being taunted and pushed around as a child and then getting teased and yelled at some more when I tried to do "the right thing" and tell an adult. "Sticks and stones can break my bones..." But words hurt very deeply sometimes, and I don't know how those hurts ever heal.