Last night at church they showed a scene from "The Passion of Christ." I should have anticipated this, but I didn't. It looks like a pretty visual movie, and I suspect it's one that won't be easy for someone to narrate. I'm really hoping they'll put it on DVS at some point. As much as I want to see it, I don't think the theater is the place to do it. It would just upset me to not know what's happening, and I really think I won't get the impact of the movie, even with DVS.
This is bothering me on two levels. One, of course, is the social level. I can't participate. The other is the deep spiritual level. I'm reading this book, "The Power of Passion," and one of the things that's painfully obvious to me is the fact that I have no real concept of what Jesus suffered for my benefit. That's the whole point of the movie: to put people in touch with what he experienced. And visual imagery is the easiest way to do that. "Jesus died for me," has always been a fact I knew, but I can't associate it with anything that evokes emotion and I think that's keeping me from experiencing God's love fully. Somehow I need to get beyond facts and find a way to understand what happened to him. He didn't get a lethal injection or die peacefully. He wasn't killed instantly even if it was gruesome. His death was a slow, agonizing process, and that's just something I don't understand. I can't understand it without putting a bit of imagination to work, and maybe some of the experiences I've had with pain can help in some way. I feel sort of sacrilegious talking like that, but it's all I have to work with and if my pain can help me get in touch with God then maybe that's the point of the pain.