I've had a little bit of a crisis of faith for a while, and that's something I need to write about at more length at some point. I'm tired right now but want to acknowledge a small thing because small steps are very important for me right now.
One of the things that God has been convicting me about is my need for discipline in my life. I really don't have much. I don't commit to many things, especially not long-term. I mean to, but I don't follow through past the first few instances of doing something. I've really been feeling that God has been showing me that life is about structure and discipline--not because life isn't supposed to be fun but because structure keeps life from controlling me and making me unhealthy and tired. (all things that I am lately).
So I prayed about something. I've been feeling frustrated because I know that I need more structure in my life but that I'm also providing child care for someone who works a very unstructured kind of job. I want to be compassionate and enable her to do what she needs to do. I understand why she chose this job, and I want to be respectful of that in the same way that I need people to be respectful of the reasons that I choose the jobs I choose. But the lack of structure is hard on me, especially in the face of this feeling about needing more structure in my life. So I prayed because it was what I knew to do.
This evening when J picked C up, she proposed a new solution. The impact on me is that I would only be working evenings and those weekends when C's dad doesn't have her, whenever J is scheduled to work. This leaves my daytime hours open until 4:30, which is very good because it gives me time that I can structure for other things that I can't do while C is here.
Answer to prayer? Yes. One small step of faith!