I "got saved" in July, 1984, when I was twelve years old. I don't know what this experience is like for other people, but I'll tell you what it was like for me. My sister and I were fighting over who was going to sit in the front seat of the car. She was going to day care that day, and I was going to summer camp. Finally, she said, "I'm going to tell!"
Instead of chasing her into the house so that I could make my side heard, I stayed in the garage. As I was closing the front door before getting into the back seat, I saw a face with tears on it. I heard a voice say, "I'm not pleased when you do that."
I assumed that the face and the voice belonged to God, and I became very upset. I wanted to please Him and had tried my best,but I always failed. I wanted to make a commitment to Him, and the only way I knew to do that was to be baptized. So I was.
Lately I have thought about this experience and wondered if my whole problem has been that I do not know who Jesus is. It is said that he is the only way to God. I have been trying to please Godin my own strength--and failing. I don't know whether the face and voice I saw and heard belonged to Jesus or to God. I have always thought they were God's. They should have pointed me to Jesus, to his death on the cross, which was the acceptable sacrifice for my sins; to his gift of the Holy Spirit, which enables me to stand against temptations.
Lord, forgive me for looking not at You and Your love and grace but at Your law and my sin. Come to me and make Yourself real in my life. Let me point others to Your grace and mercy.
I've been sowing seeds for a while. I've been sowing a seed of desire for God's Word. He has revealed to me that this seed must grow and that it takes time to build the desire I want. He could give it to me all at once if He chose to, but He chose to plant a seed that will grow and will not die.
I've been sowing a seed of faith in healing for many years. When I was little, my sister said she wanted to spit in some dirt and put it on my eyes like Jesus did. I laughed, but I wondered, "Why not? Jesus did it." When I was twelve, a teacher at school came and asked if she could pray for me. I thought she wanted to ask her church to pray, so I said yes. She put her hands over my eyes right there in room 36 and prayed for my healing. I was shocked.
When I was 15, a friend at school asked if I had ever wanted to see. He wanted us to pray. This was the first time that someone had asked me to come in agreement with the prayer. I agreed with much doubt.
The events that occurred while I was at Anderson University are written here in this journal. I believe it was then that the seed took root. There have been many storms against it, but it has not died. I am feeling that the time is near when it will bloom. Right now it is breaking ground. Lord, I trust You to take care of the seed and to help it bloom when the time is right. I must wait with patient anticipation until that time.