I've been thinking about my medical situation and work. Mom and I were discussing this, and it seems I either need a lot of structure or a lot of flexibility. I know that sounds like a contradiction. I do well where I have enough responsibilities to get into a routine for a few days (either three or four long days or five shorter days). I also do well in situations where I can work at times when it's good for me (you know, like 2:00 AM). There are some potential problems and I have no idea how to deal with them. I have no less than five medical issues to juggle, and if I'm going to have any kind of successful work experience I have to build in ways of doing that. If people knew how many take care of Sarah days I have taken in the last week? I'm not going to condemn myself for it, but it tells me that I may have some problems with a "normal" work schedule. This is a big part of why working at home was attractive to me. If I was somehow able to get something like that going, I could do my hours any way I needed to.
I never realized the reality of all this until Sunday. I can't remember now what made me think about it. It was just too big for me to deal with that day. Today I am at a point where I can say this is just how it is and now I need to figure out what impact it has on my life and how I'm going to deal with it. Some of the medical stuff is controllable, at least partially. Part of the reason I moved back home in 1998 was to get some of that stuff taken care of. Of course, back then I thought I just had my eyes to deal with. I thought a migraine was a headache I had every six months or so, and I just caught lots of colds. I didn't know about the hearing stuff then, and all the other stuff was probably "just in my head". I found out later that a lot of "all the other stuff" was migraine-related, that I have chronic infections brought on by allergies and poorly controlled asthma, and now I'm doing the audiology thing. Oh, and of course I'm now in intensive therapy with a therapist I like (a first). It looks like I've finally kicked the bronchitis, but I will most likely get to do that all over again if and when I move anywhere.
So what does all this say about work for me? I don't suppose it sets the stage for an easy employment experience. If I allowed myself to do it, I could dive off the deep end here and start whining about how I'm supposed to get past the good old $512/month, but I'm interested in solutions today and not in ruining my day. Besides the fact that I'm not working, I'm finding it hard to manage all this stuff from where I am. I'd love to be living somewhere where I could have access to people who could deal with whatever I needed without having to find someone to drive me 250 miles to Detroit or 45 miles to IU.