Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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thoughts about illness and going to Anderson

Today was a pretty good day. The best part was that something really special happened after I watched Little House. It was about this little boy who makes friends with an older lady who is dying. At the end, Mom said she would be crying if she had been watching. Well, I was about to start crying, and you know it must have touched me hard because TV doesn't make me cry. I was thinking about Elaine. I hadn't talked to her in about six weeks, since she was feeling so bad she couldn't talk. I was really scared. I thought that if something had happened to her, I might not even know. After watching that show, I just wanted to call and at least ask about her. It was time for me to know. That was going to take quite a bit of courage because she doesn't even know that I know she's so sick. Well, I called, and Elaine answered. We talked for about thirty minutes, and I was just about crying the entire time. I told her about quitting my job, and she said I did the right thing. She said she thought I could handle 14 hours and that I would be a good V.H. teacher, especially because I see that there is a great need for them.

I'm feeling really weird about going to Anderson. I want so much for it to be fun, and this time I want with everything in me to be a normal person. I don't want to be the one with the neat equipment or the blind girl on campus or the blind girl who can sing and write music. I said this in Sunday school last week, and I want so bad for people to understand: I want to be worth knowing just because I'm me. I want to be valuable just because I know how to be a friend.

And yes, I have tears in my eyes, and the dog bit me. All I was doing was getting a Kleenex! This all started Sunday, and it came to its peak when Mom was telling me all the stuff we have to get. "Can we not talk about this any more right now?" I asked.


"Because I'm having a hard time, okay?" I started crying right there, and I only stopped because my eyes were burning.

Mom said that she thinks that Anderson is where I am supposed to be. "That was a real miracle, the way this worked out," she said, referring to my scholarships, "and I think that when miracles are involved, it's right."

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