Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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accomplishment and ramblings about an old friend

I made it to church and even stayed awake. My nose alternated between letting me breathe and not. I'm glad I went. More notes later. I'm fatiguing badly. Just a few thoughts for now...

I remember when a friend had surgery on her nose in early 1992... She was almost always fatigued and was trying to get back on her feet while departing a bad marital situation. She moved her stuff into a hotel room, ran errands, even did some reading for some of my college classes, and drove 35 miles to pick me up so we could hang out for a couple of weekends.

I have a lot more respect for her now although I had a ton of compassion for what she was enduring then. I just had no real understanding! I'm getting a glimpse now... What I'm experiencing is extremely mild in comparison: her surgery was extremely complex because it was prompted by an injury and her nose was packed. She was in poor shape to begin with--she was 5"3 and weighed all of 120 pounds. I have a lot of pounds I can spare, and that likely helps me. I don't remember what she did about food in those circumstances... I remember online friends sending her money, and I think she ate a lot of soup and cereal. I think I treated her to some good meals when she could tolerate being seen in public--and it was a while before that happened. I understand why now... It wasn't just the emotional trauma associated with the state of her marriage, although that was part of it. There is something about being in public and needing to blow your nose as hard as you can and knowing that people will think that what you're doing is absolutely disgusting, especially if you happen to get caught blowing one of those trophies that defies the Kleenex... It happened to me yesterday, and the thing just completely eluded my Kleenex. I'm glad I was at home and not in a restaurant! The number of times I would have to excuse myself to go to the restroom and blow would exceed the number of bites in my meal on some occasions! It's all random, and I never know how I'm going to do on a given day.

Vicki was in a lot more pain than I've been: she had a broken nose and a closed head injury... Combining that with the psychological impact of her marital situation, I understand with absolutely humbling new clarity why she took so many naps and why she found it so difficult to do something like go out and get a good meal sometimes--and why she was so vulnerable and ultimately returned to the abusive situation. This kind of surgery just makes you want to sleep, and anything that promises relief in the way of sleep can seem welcome... On top of this, lack of good, deep sleep can breed irrational thinking. I've been there very recently. Emotional trauma can make you want to sleep away your days, too. Put the two together and there is a recipe for a walking zombie. Vicki weathered the situation amazingly well for as long as she did.


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