Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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feeling down and thinking of transferring

i still feel the same way. I have been thinking about transferring next year because of this. I'm going to be honest now, as irrational and stupid as this sounds. I feel like things would be better if I didn't exist. But I do, so what am I going to do about it. Killing myself is not an option for me. There has to be a better way. I want some answers, or at least an answer. I would like to be able to be myself, but I feel uncomfortable doing that here because people already have their opinions about me. And I don't have any idea who I am. I was thinking this morning that if I have gained anything at all from being here, then being here was worthwhile. In some ways, going through this has made me stronger. That helps me to understand that verse in Romans 5 that talks about suffering producing strength, strength producing character, character hope, and hope not disappointing us. But I have had enough strength-production for now, thank you very much. I am tired of feeling like I don't fit in. I HATE MY LIFE!!!

I can't wait to get home and just forget everything for a while. In a way, I wish I were staying there. But I have to stick it out for one more semester, if nothing else to try that songwriting class.

I am going to ask my dad to get a catalog and application from SFA the next time he calls. I have been thinking about my ed major. My advisor said something about my ability to control a classroom and student teach. I have to have a teaching certificate to get into one of the V.H. programs. I know that it can be done because of all the blind V.H. teachers there are in Texas. But there are no blind teachers in the whole state of Indiana. SFA has a major in V.H. I would be closer to home if I went to SFA, and I am sure I would like that better.


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