February 18th, 2004


thoughts about migraine symptoms

I've had an ongoing debate with myself about whether and when to go to the ER with certain migraine symptoms that resemble symptoms of "mini-strokes" (transient ischemic attacks in medical terms) I had some symptoms this evening thatconcerned me quite a bit, and I can't find a clear answer about what to do since they're standard migraine symptoms for me but could also indicate a TIA. The problem is that if they indicate a TIA they also indicate risk of stroke. If they're not a TIA but migraine symptoms, they may or may not indicate stroke risk. So I don't really know what to do, but if I ever again have symptoms as severely as I did tonight I will probably play it safe and go to the ER. They'll do a bunch of tests and probably send me home, but it's probably a better safe than sorry situation.

I don't like talking like this. It scares me. I'm ok now, but I'm feeling the need to be mindful. And now I'm feeling the need to sleep.

  • Current Music
    thoughts in my head


I'm having a hard time this morning. I'm so tired, and really I have been tired since getting back from CA. I've been trying to fight it off, but something just doesn't feel right and I'm tired of avoiding. But I'm afraidthat if I give in and let it run its course, it really won't have a course and I'll just be making an excuse for being lazy. But that's not being very respectful of myself. ... Around and around I go with it.

I've been fighting it for a couple of days. Today it's set off by the fact that I cancelled O&M.
I've also officially dropped out of the small group training. Last night I had the bad migraine symptoms,. I keep trying to think that I'm the one who is dealing with this stuff and I'm the one who really knows how I feel, but when you're accused of whining and faking things, you lose your confidence in your own ability to assess that stuff.

I've also found out that Medicaid won't even pay for glasses now if you're over 21, so I am still without a good pair of glasses. So on top of not feeling well, I'm dealing with the low life who should get off Medicaid feelings and I'm just very overwhelmed. I'm going to try to start making some waves, but that comes with its own emotional price--I'm a low life who should just get a job *and* I have an entitlement attitude, chip on my shoulder, blah blah blah. But I shouldn't be denied the kind of health care I need based on some age cut off that doesn't make my disabilities go away.-

  • Current Music
    cats leaping

talked with Medicaid lady

I managed to be very nice to the Medicaid lady I talked to when I called to investigate just what kind of services I can't get since I'm over 21 and should obviously be in perfect help by some magical ingredient in that birthday cake 11 years ago. *being very sarcastic, although I really was nice* She told me that legislation was passed in July that is responsible for this. No eye exams or glasses. No hearing aids. And no teeth cleaning, although you can get an emergency extraction. What's wrong with this picture? I don't even know if I can get my eyes checked anymore. You can have the exam if you need surgery. So I don't know where that leaves me. I could probably kick and scream enough and get an exam to check my pressure. But this is plain stupid. Adults lose their hearing and vision. And if you don't get your teeth cleaned, guess what happens to them. Bingo! They're damaged and have to be extracted! Anyway, so I said, "So I need to be complaining to the legislators about poor quality health care?" And of course she confirmed it, and we then moved on to finding me a potential new doctor. I have a lot of phone calls to make. If I call by the end of the day tomorrow, I can start seeing the new doctor next month. Obviously, it's prudent for me to do emotion mind later and make decisions now. So I'll be making phone calls and writing to government people to spew my venom. *grin* I'll be polite, but I'm not mincing words. My quality of life is directly affected by these decisions, and I'm not happy about it.

  • Current Music
    cats running