July 21st, 2004

3kitties

rambling about migraines


What happened yesterday made me angry enough that I realized I need to take up for myself medically and get to the bottom of whatever this is. At one time last year, I thought it was basilar migraine. I read last night that dizziness was associated with basilar migraine. If that's what this is, then I have some educating to do and I need to be able to do that. If it's something else, then I need to know so that I can ride it out and not hit the panic button every time I forget something significant or need assistance that isn't normal for me. I need to know how to determine what's important enough to go to the ER and how to make the staff do their real jobs. And if there are meds that can help me without serious side effects, I need to be open to taking them, maybe in addition to the vitamins.



God is using all of this migraine stuff to teach me so many things. I wasn't afraid at the hospital at all. Actually, I had music in my head the whole time, and I felt Him near me. He is teaching me to draw near to Him at all times, even in the midst of my confusion and emotion, and He is teaching me to trust Him for every need of mine because He is rich and supplies all that I need. He is teaching me to boast about what makes me weak because it is a place where His strength is poured into me.

  • Current Music
    silence
3kitties

migraines and fear of dependency


I just need to get this out. I went in the kitchen and fixed myself some lunch. It was a major ordeal. I have been planning to do some baking for a trip I'm taking tomorrow, and I still might. It's so overwhelming, though, and I am finding myself thinking about things and having a lot of fears. I don't want to have to be taken care of for the rest of my life. That just scares me. For me it would mean giving up more things I dream about. I don't want to go there in my mind, but I don't know how not to when fixing a bowl of leftovers is a big deal. I've kept hoping that someday I would still be able to have a family. But if I can't take care of me, how will I take care of them...? And what doctor is even going to listen to me?

  • Current Music
    cats playing
3kitties

update on migraine symptoms


I managed to make something for dinner--and I'll have leftovers for breakfast and lunch tomorrow. I'm feeling quite a bit better now--I think I had another episode, but the meds have worn off and that means I can think fairly clearly. I'm having a lot of thoughts, and I think I need to ramble about them in a bit.

  • Current Music
    cats playing