September 29th, 2004


what I learned from my cats

I've joined two Bible study groups here. Both are doing studies by Beth Moore: A Heart Like His and Believing God. These studies are both very timely for me, and I'm seeing that God has brought me exactly where I need to be. I've lived a long time trying to "serve Him" without really embracing Him or learning to live a life of true worship--I've been doing dead works. And all my dead works keep me busy because I don't really believe that God cares for me--at least, not all of the time. Much of the time I believe that He just wants me to do "the right things" and then He will reward me (because I was "good"). But that is salvation by works, and works don't save. I have a serious need for a new foundation.

One of the things I've been struggling with is feeling like I'm just too far away from God for Him to love me, like I could just become too messed up and maybe He's just mad and wants to fix me. Somewhere I knew that this is immature thinking, but it wasn't getting through on the heart/spirit level.

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