Friday night after I finished talking to Beck I experienced a huge feeling of letdown. When I am talking to her or someone else from home, I forget momentarily about the things I am struggling with here. I forget that everyone else on the floor is at a party with another dorm having a blast. I forget that I chose not to go because I was afraid of the loneliness that seems to follow me when I take a risk like going to a party. I forget that being stuck in a dorm room is just as lonely, only a different kind of loneliness. I am in touch with someone who cares, someone who makes me think about things. When our conversation is over, the reality of my situation sets in.
The reality is that Morrison Hall is as silent as a vacant house. The reality is that I have nothing but laundry to keep me busy, and laundry is not stimulating. And I am thinking, Why do I have to spend every Friday night in here? What good is going to come out of a bunch of unstimulating, lonely nights?