February 18th, 2005


Friday morning update

I slept probably all of two hours last night. I guess that's a bit of an improvement--the two hours I got while wearing the CPAP mask. My nose is still acting like a clogged up something, and I'm really ready for an entire day's deep sleep! I'm actually hoping this will all be over sometime today. I've been complaining a lot, but it's not as severe as my complaining makes it seem.

There is a huge flock of ravens camped outside my bedroom window. I don't recall ever hearing anything quite like the cawing of so many birds. Each one sounds a bit different to me, and there must be 30 or 40 of them. Listening to them makes me think of the verse about God caring for the sparrows. How much more He cares for me!

I've been afraid to talk about my surgery in some circles, afraid of being judged for accepting a man-made substance into my eye instead of relying on God. Yet God gives people the gift of healing and the creativity to devise things like the Alphacor. I can truly understand why some people feel strongly about some types of medical treatments. But this surgery seems to be a door that God threw open wide for me in spite of all kinds of odds. He knows my heart, and sometimes the heart is more important than what I do (what I eat or drink or wear).

One of my criteria about implants has been that they not place me at risk for additional problems or make worse problems I already have. This is why I couldn't consider something like the Dobelle implant, which involves placing electrodes on the head and stimulating them with input from a camera of sorts in the eye. There are just too many risks in having brain surgery for me to feel comfortable considering this. I asked about what happens if the Alphacor should cause problems... I would simply get another human transplant.

Time for a nap... The ravens are singing to me...