October 17th, 2006


re-telling my old stories

So much to think about, so much to write ... and so little time! In reading the comments on my Nouwen paper, I realized how many background stories I still have not "re-told" in light of current events. I said yesterday in Sunday school that I was learning to respond to my old memories differently, to allow them to be things that God uses instead of points of my pain. It's a difficult process; but I am learning the meaning of the James 1 passage about suffering “having its full effect” that I used in devotions for Dr. B.'s class. When I was tying up my ends in Florida, I shared with the church there that I had learned that we really do overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. It isn't that the testimony is only for the benefit of the hearers. It is also for the benefit of the testifier. When I speak my own testimony and put my experiences under the blood of the Lamb, it changes me. That's what I haven't been able to do yet... There are so many things I want to put there: the experiences of being set aside and the experiences in the Pentecostal church that were so painful just to name a couple! I need so much more time! I would like to just stay awake and write at this very moment! But it is 1:30 in the morning, and my alarm will go off in just three and a half hours. I think it's a good thing that I slept after getting home!

I did eat something after waking up... And I received a blessing! Inca jumped on my desk, and I anticipated the nightly battle that seems to have been taking place lately. But I remembered that sometimes it seems to help if I call her up on the bed... So I tried.
She came up on the bed and settled herself at the foot. I put my arms around her; and she put her paw over my arm and her head on my hand and rewarded me with the loudest purring I've ever heard in my life! I've been gone all day, and when I came home Alexis said that Inca was good all day except for meowing when I left. The kitten who once avoided human contact has become a love bug in her old age. And in my intense loneliness, especially at night, I really do need my cats!

On that note, Sierra is giving me the "bed" signal.

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