Well, a million things have happened, so now here I am. Last Tuesday I got this idea to room with this girl from another hall. To make a very long story short, her hall director said all this stuff about me being dependent and suggested that she talk to my last roommate. After I found that out, I wanted to talk to Tana. But it was 8:00 in the evening. So I called my friend, Angi. Last semester she went to East Side with me one day when I was right smack in the middle of all that stuff and the sermon was about shining God's light to other people. Of course, that made me cry because I felt like I was being further condemned. Anyway, Angi went to the altar with me that day and prayed about it. I think that is how we started becoming friends.
She came over and talked about it with me. I don't know where I would have been without her because there was no one else. I was so upset that I got Tana's home number and called her even though it was long distance. I asked Angi to stay with me in case I needed to talk some more. So she went and got her stuff.
When she came back she told me that her roommate now, Bekki, had said she would room with me. I didn't mind that she had talked to Bekki. So the next day, after I had called my mom for an hour and run my phone bill over the credit limit, I talked to Bekki. I told her all the stuff that was being said, and she said she wanted to punch my hall director for telling her hall director all that in the first place. I called her hall director and told her that I didn't want last semester to be an issue. That was between me and that roommate. She said okay, and later Bekki and I went to see her together. I wanted to do that because I thought if she had anything to say about me she should say it in front of me.
So Bekki and I are going to room together next year. I thought at first, why do I even bother? It would be so much easier to live by myself and walk around and not talk to anyone. It would be so easy not to care if anyone needed or wanted me as a friend. But that's not really what I want to do. If I did that, life would be worthless. I would become hardened to the needs around me, and I might miss the person who really does need me. At least this way I have a chance. The hope is what makes me try again.
Angi and her boyfriend, Greg, went to Mike's with me this weekend. It was a very good weekend. I had some good talks with Angi, Greg, and Mike. Angi and Greg both told me I was a "neat person," something I have not heard up here. That made me feel okay. Mike and I had a discussion about healing which I won't get into right now.