I just had another idea for a song. In songwriting we keep talking about the story where Jacob wrestled with the angel all night. Gloria uses that story to illustrate what it takes sometimes to write a song. But today I realized that it's more than that. In Christian ministries we are talking about pastoral care and counseling. One of the girls was asking how to deal with someone who is doubting God and gave an example of a friend who has been in the church forever and who now doesn't think God exists and doesn't want to hear about Him.
Suddenly I thought back to the time before I wrote "For My Tears You Died." I was about to give up completely. I was ready to give up my faith and possibly even my life. But something kept me from doing it: the last bit of hope that God was listening and would answer, the will to challenge Him to answer, to see if He would. If I had the strength to question God's existence, then I believe I had enough faith that He would show me He was real. I was wrestling with the angel.
I brought up that story, and another girl reminded me that in the end Jacob said, "I won't let go until you bless me." Well, that is what I said, though not out loud. I wasn't about to give up because I wanted to see if God would answer me, even though I meant that in a doubtful way. That is the question. Do we have enough desire to be blessed that we will say, "I won't let go until You bless me."?