Wednesday night at church we watched a video in which the church was compared to a football team. I feel like the too-small player who is left on the bench for most of the game. I try to get involved, but I am never chosen. It is that way wherever I go. People say that I contribute, but I think this is just a statement to pacify me. I can be the "cheerleader" even though I don't know how to cheer.
The tendency to run away is very strong. It would be easier to stay at home and write. I could send off material and not have to face anyone. When I was young, I was eager to participate. I would sit outside and hope that other kids would think that I wanted to play. They rarely did.