I am reading "Left Behind," a fictional account of the Rapture of the Church. Dad warned me that it was based on misinterpretation, and some of that warning may be true. But still, I cannot read this without it being a spiritual experience. The bottom line is the same. I am not guaranteed time tostraighten up my relationship with Jesus Christ. I must live each day working as if I have all the time in the world to finish the tasks I am given, and I must live each day as seriously as if He will be back in the next moment. I don't want to be left behind or cast aside and told, "I never knew you."
I don't understand what I am reading in the Bible. But I cannot make myself understand. My anger with God over not receiving what I want may be something used to keep me from believing with all my heart, but understanding is a gift from Godand I choose to believe that if I am making the effort He will grant me the understanding for which I am so desperate. So I must read, whether or not I understand. Someday I will understand.
And I must be willing to give up many things which are of my own mind. I must give up private desires and fantasies which have been a part of me since childhood. "When I was a child, I thought like a child..." I must have an undivided heart and be quick to listen and slow to speak. This isn't something I can do on my own- -not even with the help of therapy. It is something I can do only because I have become like Jesus, being made perfect through reliance on God.