My only disappointment about church today was that I wasn't singing in the choir, and I find myself unafraid to ask God for what I want for the first time: for healing of this miserable thing that seems to stay with me, for healing once and for all because besides loving people the other thing that I was made for was to sing--and sing with my whole heart and soul as well as my mouth. I have not had such an incredible experience, as far as I can remember, since Praise Gathering in 1991. The choir song was a big deal called "He Never Failed Me," and it just was so absolutely true for me. I have questioned so many times, but looking back through all those times I was always right here in God's hands, and He was always faithful, no matter what I was going through.
And I am finished giving Him parts of me. Where I was this morning was at a point of wanting to give Him ALL of me. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. So I want today to count, and I've discovered that without His blessing and guidance today can get really messed up. I cannot really even put this into words the way my heart knows it, and I trust this part of my heart more than I trust ANY person on this earth.
I used to have a vision of me in some ministry. I think now that this was only a part of it, and I've been given a little more of it this morning. That's what I want so much to talk to somebody about. What I see is totally new to me. It's something I never thought I would be considering, but I have an incredible peace about it. And when I was at AU, I was told by someone I trust very much that this is how I would know. God never sends a person to any place where that person won't be at peace, even if He does send people outside their little comfort zones. In this life there will be trials. But there is peace and hope to be found, and I know what it is.