Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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home from training

I just returned from training with a new dog, Meghan. I think I'm just feeling post-event letdown. Not only did I leave a place where there were lots of people and I even had some friends, but I came home to family getting ready to leave and not having much time to play with Meghan and laugh at my stories, and now it's all quiet and I think I'm just scared about a lot of things. I hadn't really developed a routine to get back into--I couldn't develop a routine withDori. I only know a couple of routes, and I'm afraid to walk the long one because if I get lost it's not too likely I'll find a pedestrian to ask directions back home. I know the answer to that. I just need to teach Meghan "Go home" like I did Dori. I'm just scared. And I'm disoriented, and that feeds the fears. It's quiet and I just want to keep moving so I don't get worse, and I'm just scared because of the frame of mind this stuff puts me in. I'm just trying to ride it out. I did get up and take care of the dogs. That was hard--I just want to sleep. And I played with Meghan for a few minutes. I'm trying to see that as an accomplishment, but I feel kind of guilty about that. I've got the tape playing about making choices and how I shouldn't see enjoying Meghan as a chore or an accomplishment. It makes me feel like I must not love her, and everybody knows I do. My dad even said he could tell she was a good match for me. That felt really good. Actually, he said he can see that we work well together.


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