I'm tired of being sick already. My therapist and I had a talk a couple of weeks ago--or maybe it was three--about my seizures or whatever they are and how I'm doing on the percentage of things I've cancelled, my general activity level, etc. It's amusing how things deteriorated after that talk. That seems to be the general pattern after therapy, though.
My percentage of therapy sessions attended hasn't been great over the last few months, but the consensus was that there are a variety of factors affecting this and that therapy attendance alone is not a fair way to judge the general state of my activity level.
So we expanded the criteria... I hadn't cancelled days with C except for times when I ran a fever (one or two days out of five months) or was in the hospital (a legitimate reason); so I consider this a sign that I'm improving in the realm of dependability and general stamina. I've been to church and some social functions a few times, although there is still significant room for improvement in this area. I'm not napping at all unless I'm sick--this is a major improvement. My sleep schedule is EXTREMELY consistent: I'm in bed between 10:00 and midnight and up between 6:00 and 8:00. My med routine is good on Topamax but is slacking off too much on the eye meds. I've followed through with the CD project: something I've wanted to finish for a very long time.
But as soon as this generally positive assessment was done, the bottom fell out. I caught flu symptoms the very next day. I couldn't get hold of J. So when she showed up that night, I said, "I have flu symptoms. You decide whether you want C to stay or not." She took C home. I felt badly for not working, but by the end of the evening my head was pounding and Mom was downstairs with the same symptoms. C didn't come to me that Saturday because she was sick, too.
That Sunday my small group met at my house. I wasn't feeling great but really wanted to follow through with hosting the group. I always talk about wanting company, and I felt that it was important to stick with my commitment to the group. So I cleaned like a maniac, asked Mom to help with baking refreshments because doing laundry was setting off my pain, and went ahead. On the day after group, I had a meeting at the Social Security office and therapy. Two days later, I had a meeting with one of my pastors; and the day after that I attended my weekly Bible study meeting. By this time, I was sick again. I had not rested at all--I hadn't wanted to stop doing things that needed to be done because that's what people have to do sometimes.--and I was paying for it.
I spent most of October 28-30 in bed. I was not a very happy camber, literally. I was terrified that I would become sick again the way I used to be. Unfortunately, I seem to have experienced a bit of a setback in that arena. Last week I had several asthma attacks after going three years without needing an inhaler. The arthritis-like pain in my old injury sites came back with a vengeance. I had a migraine. My mood instability raged. And Sunday I had four seizures.
I finally discovered I have an infection in my right ear. That explains the seizures and the mood instability: I probably am having pain and don't realize it. Pain will aggravate both of the above mentioned things. The asthma problem seems to be getting better. I hope that the rest will follow. In any case, I have had enough of being sick! I'm trying to find a balance between staying "productive" and giving myself a chance to heal. It's not easy when I have to be the one to take care of myself physically: no one else is here to fix me nutritious meals, take the dog out, clean the kitty box, vacuum the floors so I can breathe clean air, etc. All these things are necessary for me to stay healthy; but so is rest. How do I balance it all?