Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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update on the computer situation and thoughts about people's suicide

I just bought the new computer! Well, and a few extra items... Sometime next week, I hope to be up and running--and I saved a nice bit of money by picking another shopping site since my card wasn't working last night. Not so bad!

This week is an anniversary for me, and it isn't a happy one. On July 9, 1992, I lost a very good friend. Eventually I learned that her death was considered a suicide. I know very few details; but what I can say is that her death changed my life forever.

I have struggled for most of my life with bouts of deep depression and mild euphoria. The deep depressions tend to last longer; and like many people who struggle with intense emotions, there have been times when I considered suicide. Some were more serious than others. But I have chosen life, and Vicki's death caused me to make that choice a lifetime commitment. Suicide is ultimately a selfish act, and it hurts everyone who loves the person. Losing a friend or other loved one in this way is something you never "get over." You learn to cope with the pain, but you are vorever changed and it is very different from the kind of death that comes with old age. I know this: for just months before Vicki's death, my grandmother took her last breath after a battle with cancer. I miss her; but the pain is so very different! It is a bittersweet kind of pain, and there is no anger in it.

I just needed to write this. Maybe it will take away some of my grouchiness this week.


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