Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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open letter to spammers

I do not want a new watch. I don't care where it was made. Mine works just fine, and I just shelled out loads of money to have it repaired.

I do not want any medications to improve my nonexistant private life. Even if it existed, I would not want any meds to impress the person of my own gender in any way, especially by being disgusting and showing off body parts I don't have.

I did not buy any lottery tickets. Therefore, telling me that I won your country's lottery is a stupid idea. Get out of my inbox!

I do not have an account at Chase, Wells Fargo, or Fifth Third Bank, or any other bank that shows up in my email box. My bank is a blip on the radar screen, and I like it that way.

I do not want new kitchen cabinets. If I do, I'll trudge down to Home Depot or some such nonsense and do what normal people do to get them.

The odd characters in your address and subject line do not read well in the screen reader, and the sound make me have seizures. Despite what you might think, I do not enjoy the experience.

I did not bid on your Ebay items, and I will not be doing so.

Nothing is wrong with my Paypal, Ebay, or Amazon account, no matter how hard you try to make me think so. I will not be using your links to log in, especially when you send your scary warnings to email addresses not associated with my accounts (like my listowner addresses).

I do not own a home and do not need a mortgage. If I did, I'd go down and apply for one at the blip on the radar screen here in town like a normal person.

I do not need to attract new customers. When I do, I'll use tried and true search engine positioning strategies and other proven marketing techniques, not annoying email bothering strategies that don't work anyway.

I do not have a voicemail from whoever that person is. If I did, I would hear three beeps when I picked up my phone, not receive your email to tell me about it.

I do not want any private social activity with you tonight. Should I want any private social activity, I'll meet someone appealing in this blip on the radar screen of a town and eventually have some contact in the proper manner. I don't need to email about it.

I don't need any meds, cheaply or otherwise. If I do, I'll hike down to Walgreens and pick them up. Really, I don't mind the prices.

In short, LEAVE! Me! ALONE! It would eliminate several hundred emails a day, and I really do not enjoy the creative act of building email rules.


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