Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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general ramblings on health and energy

It's evil to have to take Imitrex at 8:0 in the morning!!! I couldn't tell yesterday whether I had a sinus headache or a migraine. Apparently I had both.

I'm better now in the migraine department, and I've noticed that I'm fine in the nose department as long as I am breathing CPAP air. That means the solution is to clean my house, aka finish the stuff from the unfinished to-do lists I made the other day... It's very difficult when I'm sick and I'm the only one who can do anything about the environmental causes when I should be resting and breathing... I think this is part of the reason why I've been hit so hard with feelings about isolation lately. If I talk to my family about it, sometimes the response is, "We all have to do things we don't feel like doing?" or "What would you do it you had a kid?" Funny how nobody rubs that in a real mother's face, but it's fine to rub my desire for a child in my face when I'm overwhelmed. It isn't ok for a single person to feel overwhelmed...

I vaguely remember going through this last year. It set me back spiritually for months and threw me into a very deep depression. I caught a bad infection with a fever that spiked, and I had no energy to clean. Of course, I had to keep getting up and taking care of myself, felt the need to change my clothes because it isn't ok to sit around in the same thing all the time, etc. I ate food, so the dishes mounted. The cats and Meghan were just being themselves. I took care of their basic needs, but they were shedding because they are animals,. I didn't have the energy to vacuum, especially since that would mean picking up whatever I had left around on the floor before becoming sick. I tried to do something meaningful when I was awake to occupy my brain: read a book or some other project. So when I was "better," things were lying around that needed to be cleaned up; but I had used up all my energy healing, and when I used up more of it to clean up the environment I relapsed. But if I didn't clean, I breathed allergens and relapsed anyway. I was emotional about everything and needed energy for coping with emotionally provoking circumstances that I live with on a daily basis. Where am I supposed to get all this energy? A person isn't made to do all this alone!

But I am alone.

What is the solution? Get rid of animals so that I don't have allergens to breathe? Absolutely not an option! They are the only source of daily companionship I have. They make noise to break the silence in natural ways, interact with me on their own initiative, provide me warmth at night... Why would I even ask such a question? Only because I started to wonder why there were ever times in my life when I could breathe well. The answer was that they were times when I did not have cats. I hate admitting that. But I think there have been times when I could breathe since I've had my cats. I just need to keep track of it and monitor what I'm doing. Clearly allergens play a significant role in my general health.

Next solution... I think I need somehow to find someone I trust to come in here and help me get back on my feet. I don't know who that would be. Mom would volunteer, but I know she doesn't have the time. I need it to be someone who will work with me and not just come in like a whirlwind and leave me disoriented. It's not that I can't do it myself, but right now I am clearly low on energy. In my last Thursday morning Bible study group, we talked about signs of exhaustion. I'm showing them. I need to get someone in here who can do some particular things, and I think what I need to do is focus on picking up the clutter and make it possible to hire someone to come in and scrub. I suspect there is dust and mold in places I have never dreamed of, and maybe a two or three times a year clean job would be helpful for me in the breathing department.

Payday is next Thursday. This is a good thing. I need more veggies--I need to get back on something similar to the South Beach diet. I can't do the real thing because it's so reliant on cheese. But I see from this week that sugar and white flour products are definitely a problem for me.

Update: C is here, and I worked a trade with J. I'm exchanging the week's work for cleaning help. I think that will help a lot in the energy department.


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