Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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update on earlier entry

For the condition I am in today, I've done fairly well so far.

C is here, and that sort of keeps me in a general state of activity. I can't sleep when she's here except for little catnaps if I'm REALLY not well; so I've been up and around doing things. We went down and visited my parents for a little while and ate some of the leftovers from yesterday's dinner. My cousin had some silly puddy, so C entertained herself while I spent a bit of time with my uncle who is here visiting. He brought the original copy of the information that was sent to the Copyright Office in 1989 with lyrics of some of my songs, and indeed there was the missing song I had written. We still don't have a copy of the recording, so there is no music and I don't remember how it goes. I can get it from the office for a very hefty fee, but he's going to look at home and see if he has one. Obviously, I hope so!

Back up here, I got my bedroom picked up (something I perceived as much more overwhelming than it ended up being) and vacuumed in here, the hall, and the bathroom. That leaves the front half of the house that really needs to be done. I think that's the stuff I will ask J for help with today, primarily because those are areas where C has been playing and there are toys scattered around. The vacuum job stirred up a lot of junk in my nose but seems to have ultimately helped clear out whatever was causing my head to hurt so much. This is something that I was keeping up with every two to three days when I was doing so well from May to October. Obviously I've fallen off the wagon. Maybe I've caught myself in time to get back on track before I dive too far off the deep end. I'm significantly worried--I'm feeling a lot of raging negative emotions about my life and lack of progress, same old story, etc. Other things I'm trying that should be resulting in change aren't working, and I can only do so much--I can't force people to follow through when they claim they'll call me back when I invite them to lunch, etc. So all I can do is take care of myself and do the things that do work: go on with my writing, keep trying with the CD project, etc. I'll have a lot more to say on these things in another entry at some point. I mention them here because I know that the rise in negative feelings is a clue to watch how well I'm doing with taking care of myself in general... Difficulties with my health don't create new negative emotions, but they do seriously amplify emotions that are already there. The emotions are still legitimate, but the degree is much greater and often I have a completely different perspective when I'm not hurting so much, struggling so much to breathe, worrying so much about getting basic daily tasks done, etc.


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