I lift up my eyes to the hills -- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. -- Psalm 121:1-2
This was the daily verse posted in judgedchristian this morning. I needed it. For one thing, it put another song into my head besides the annoying one that's been stuck there since Labor Day--and this one is something worth meditating on. On a more serious note, I am having a difficult few days.
It would be a bit of an understatement to say that I'm fighting a battle with my emotions; but that's the way that I feel like I need to write it. I do treat my mood difficulties as a battleground because they make me vulnerable to temptations to do things that alter the course of my life in ways that don't accomplish anything good. I caught a cold and ran a fever off and on Saturday; and I did not sleep because I was doing homework. I did not eat as well as I could/should have, although I did eat something. Yesterday I ate a bit better, but I still did not sleep--because I was doing homework again. Today I will not sleep because i'll be in class, then running around getting paperwork for Medicaid, then doing homework and laundry. Tomorrow is a long class day. If I'm very lucky, I can take a long nap on Wednesday before church...
All of this is to say that I needed that verse because that help is the only way I'm going to make it through things like this. Maybe it's the very reason why I've been allowed to struggle with things like this: so that I would remain close to Him. Otherwise, it would be quite easy for me to run off and do whatever I felt I could do in my own power instead of relying on Him and His power at work in me to accomplish what He called me to do.
In my reading for Dr. Stafford's class, the author emphasizes the fact that the Jewish view of God is One who suffers with humankind and that Christians tend to adopt the view that God is distant and impersonal. I'm afraid that it is difficult for me to understand the God who weeps over my sufferings, to imagine God weeping over my struggle with my mood. It may be a worthwhile exercise for me to reexamine my view of God in light of the turmoil that I was feeling as I tried to summon sleep and fight off irrational thoughts last night.
Xposted to sjbtheology.