Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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update on my break

I'm feeling a bit better today. For those following my public entries who are not on my friends list, I'll post a little recap of yesterday's friends-only entry. Part of my difficulty yesterday was about pain--both physical and emotional. I am realizing that my arthritis--or whatever I have--is affecting the use of my hands significantly regarding most major tasks where weight-bearing or exertion of pressure is involved on the thumbs and forefingers. This does not affect typing, so I didn't notice it while doing my papers for school. It does sometimes affect my scanning process, and it affects the performance of many household chores which I had allowed to go undone or accepted Alexis' help with during the semester. Now that break is upon me, it's time for "winter cleaning" and for me to start getting a handle on doing my own tasks and balancing school and life. However, that means that I am noticing how difficult it is to do certain things.

I was hit square in the face with grief about my loss of ability as well as with feelings about being separated from the seminary community. I have struggled with mild "community separation" off and on throughout the semester when coming home to only one person and the papers to do. I just re-took the Myers-Briggs, and I tested ENFJ with my E being weak but still there. This doesn't really surprise me. I always have enjoyed being around people, though I need a bit of space in the process. I suppose I would describe myself as needing to be in proximity to people but not necessarily interacting all the time. I've tested as an introvert for quite a long time; and I think that the reality has been that I have been forced into circumstances in which I had no choice but to prefer introversion. What's the use of preferring to be with people when there are no people in my life to be with--and when those with whom I can be drag me off to do things I can't participate in? But to be truthful, I do like to be around people as long as I am not being controlled.

Sleep does help--I have been severely sleep-deprived this semester, and especially this week, and I think that sleep deprivation makes pain much worse. I slept about eight and a half hours last night, and today I was feeling a lot less pain. I actually scrubbed the cat box: a major chore because it's a self-cleaning box and scrubbing it involves taking it apart, scrubbing each part, drying it out, putting it together, vacuuming the entire floor and all the little crannies where it sits, cleaning the tub, etc. My hands are still ok. I'm tired, but not to the point of utter exhaustion. The cats are happy, I can breathe better, there's stew in the fridge, the laundry is half done, my infection is clearing, and my sleep is getting back on track--all good stuff. Perhaps in a few days, my house will look like something I'm proud to host guests in. That in itself could do wonders for my perspective. For now, it helps to have my pain quotient under some control. I think I'll take some time to read some books--that WAS what this break was all about...


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