Some of my experiences and thoughts this weekend have been very reminiscent of things I experienced after surgery in 1998. I looked back at some of those journal entries... I had forgotten so much of what I wrote. That seems silly, but it's true.
December 22, 1998
I was trying to think of a way to explain the concept of low vision. I still get the feeling that Dr. Heidemann thinks I want back more vision than is possible, like I want it all. I finally thought of how to put it into words. My world has been getting smaller and smaller, and last week it was almost gone. What I want to know is if my world can be restored. I know very well that my world is not a sighted person's world. I know that, in fact, my perception of the world would be very insignificant to the average person. But it is my world, and when I talk about getting any vision back, I am speaking in reference to my world.
Today I had my eye open a lot. I am very sensitive to light, but I know that there has been a definite improvement. If I had tears to cry, I would cry. Dr. Trese says the improvements may continue for several weeks or months. I am so anxious! At the same time, I don't want the time to hurry by. I want to experience the joy of each returning sight. I am so thankful that God has allowed me the comfort of seeing again. He could have chosen to give me a different source of comfort and to teach me to trust in Him even when I didn't get what I wanted.
December 23, 1998
I didn't realize how much I had lost or how much I had adjusted to life as a person who could not even see a light unless it was the sun or two feet away until yesterday, when I opened my good eye on a regular day and was overwhelmed by the brightness and amount of stuff to look at. It's hard not to overdo this looking stuff--I want to enjoy it all, and it's hard for me to realize that it will all be here in a few weeks and that I will probably see it better then anyway. My eye is very weak, probably from so many months of not seeing. It is extremely tiring to look at things, even for a moment, and the doctor did tell me that the surface is probably irritated because of the medication and that I feel this because of my rapid eye movements which I cannot control.
I have searched high and low for information, testimonies, etc, about sight restoration. It is very hard to come by, especially from the perspective of someone who was technically blind from birth. I have not regained anything more than what I had as a child--in fact, I have not regained that much. ... If God gave me nothing but the few glimpses of the last couple of days, I know the ecstasy of the smallest sight in a way that the average person probably never considers. I don't say this snobbishly, but I believe it is true. One of the doctors involved is very unfamiliar with the concept of extremely low vision. He has no idea that what is to him a medically insignificant (because it is not measurable) amount of vision is the world opening up for me. Just one example: I was exclaiming earlier over looking at the tissue I was using to clean the water out of my eyes. It's nothing big, but to me it was the most fascinating thing to be able to see such a small object and to recognize that it is white!