Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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updates on many things and med mess again

I didn't get done a lot of things that needed to get done today. However, I got done some other things that needed to be done.

Airborne apparently works wonders. I took it on Thursday afternoon at the onset of the fever, and I am no longer sick. Must get some more!

I have about had enough of HMOs and Medicare messing with my medications. In October it was my Topamax and Pulmicort. In January it was my Zertec and Singulair. Now it is my Imitrex! There is no formulary alternative. Are they trying to kill me? I already have enough stress right now. I don't need any more. I really am not in the mood for an endurance contest to see what Sarah can take during one semester and still come out on top, regardless of how much character it may build. I need a break badly. I'm tired and worn down.

I did ace the quiz on Thursday. I must have had some divine intervention.

I do need to reveal this to those who are regular readers... I've been hemming and hawing about the right time to do it, and I don't suppose there really is a right time. I can hide it all I want, but that's not going to change anything; and the fact is that LJ has built me up some kind of a network of acquaintances and friends, some of whom I don't even know personally. That's a good thing, and I should avail myself of it at times like this...

Meg is retiring soon, probably in May. The Seeing Eye is holding me a spot in the May class, pending selection of a suitable new dog. I am very emotional about the whole thing. At the same time, I also understand that Meg is not as healthy as Elli was. She has endured a lot of chronic illness (the periodic pukies) and ups and downs with her weight that have been unexplained. She is tired, and I know that she needs this. Realizing that the tiredness could have a lot to do with the illness put a new perspective on it for me and helped me come to some peace with it; but it still hurts badly. Meg has integrated so nicely into the seminary community; and for once in my life I don't feel at odds with the idea of other people feeling close to her. They have accepted me to some degree as they have accepted her; and they have not overemphasized her role in my life. That has enabled me to allow her a place in the seminary family, and I am upset that she is losing it so soon. It is unfair; and it will be difficult for me personally to allow another dog to take that place.

But I will try. For my sake and for the new dog's sake, I will try. I hope that I will soon stop feeling like I have stolen something from Meg... I wanted her to retire with someone from the seminary community... It meant something to me personally... It would have helped me feel less like her life was being stolen. But I'm not sure that this can happen. So far there are no retirement options for her. She will remain with me until one is found; but at this point I can't assume that what is found will be within the seminary community.

I'm just very sad, and lately I've been struggling with absolutely overwhelming negative emotions about my general social situation. (I am very glad that Valentine's Day with the overemphasis on sweethearts and significant others is over, and I still have a need for local friendships with depth.) I am still trying to catch up on homework, too, and at times it feels impossible. I don't need med stress on top of all of this.


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