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updates on many things and med mess again

I didn't get done a lot of things that needed to get done today. However, I got done some other things that needed to be done.

Airborne apparently works wonders. I took it on Thursday afternoon at the onset of the fever, and I am no longer sick. Must get some more!

I have about had enough of HMOs and Medicare messing with my medications. In October it was my Topamax and Pulmicort. In January it was my Zertec and Singulair. Now it is my Imitrex! There is no formulary alternative. Are they trying to kill me? I already have enough stress right now. I don't need any more. I really am not in the mood for an endurance contest to see what Sarah can take during one semester and still come out on top, regardless of how much character it may build. I need a break badly. I'm tired and worn down.

I did ace the quiz on Thursday. I must have had some divine intervention.

I do need to reveal this to those who are regular readers... I've been hemming and hawing about the right time to do it, and I don't suppose there really is a right time. I can hide it all I want, but that's not going to change anything; and the fact is that LJ has built me up some kind of a network of acquaintances and friends, some of whom I don't even know personally. That's a good thing, and I should avail myself of it at times like this...

Meg is retiring soon, probably in May. The Seeing Eye is holding me a spot in the May class, pending selection of a suitable new dog. I am very emotional about the whole thing. At the same time, I also understand that Meg is not as healthy as Elli was. She has endured a lot of chronic illness (the periodic pukies) and ups and downs with her weight that have been unexplained. She is tired, and I know that she needs this. Realizing that the tiredness could have a lot to do with the illness put a new perspective on it for me and helped me come to some peace with it; but it still hurts badly. Meg has integrated so nicely into the seminary community; and for once in my life I don't feel at odds with the idea of other people feeling close to her. They have accepted me to some degree as they have accepted her; and they have not overemphasized her role in my life. That has enabled me to allow her a place in the seminary family, and I am upset that she is losing it so soon. It is unfair; and it will be difficult for me personally to allow another dog to take that place.

But I will try. For my sake and for the new dog's sake, I will try. I hope that I will soon stop feeling like I have stolen something from Meg... I wanted her to retire with someone from the seminary community... It meant something to me personally... It would have helped me feel less like her life was being stolen. But I'm not sure that this can happen. So far there are no retirement options for her. She will remain with me until one is found; but at this point I can't assume that what is found will be within the seminary community.

I'm just very sad, and lately I've been struggling with absolutely overwhelming negative emotions about my general social situation. (I am very glad that Valentine's Day with the overemphasis on sweethearts and significant others is over, and I still have a need for local friendships with depth.) I am still trying to catch up on homework, too, and at times it feels impossible. I don't need med stress on top of all of this.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 18th, 2007 03:43 am (UTC)
I'm really sorry. I can't even imagine how hard the prospect of retiring your best friend can be. I'm on the other end with the overwhelming excitement about obtaining my first guide. I'd assume it's like losing a family member. I'm really sorry for your feelings of loss, and I hope your faith and God and all of those things help you through.
I'm not religious, but I understand that it helps people. So, I hope that everything you believe in makes the transition between dogs suitable for you.
Feb. 18th, 2007 04:05 am (UTC)
I am so sorry Sarah. I know how hard this must be on you. In your posts, I can just feel how greatly you care for Meg. I know how much you have worried about her and her health. I do hope that you can find her a home within the seminary community. I'll be thinking of you both. (HUGS)
Feb. 18th, 2007 04:44 am (UTC)
Hey... wanted to send you hugs, and let you knwo I'm praying and I hurt so much fo you. I'm truly sorry, and I know you're feeling the stuff about how she's somewhat young, but more than that, the way she has fit into the seminary community. Big hugs, sis. I'm praying for you that you will be able to learn to love a new dog. I know this is something you know, but it bears mentioning: no dog can or will replace Meghan, ever. It is okay to hurt and to be angry and all that stuff, no matter what's going on.
Feel I'm rambling. Just... hugs, and i"m here, in any way I can be. I hurt for you having to go through this now.
Feb. 18th, 2007 07:33 am (UTC)
oh gosh, retirement is never easy. I'm praying for you guys, praying that Meg finds just the right home.
Feb. 18th, 2007 08:01 am (UTC)
*big big empathetic huggles*
Feb. 19th, 2007 01:19 am (UTC)
Meg and more

I'm so sorry to hear about Meg's retirement. That's an awful thing to go through. I did it in 2005 for the first time, and thought I'd never get through it. It broke my heart, and I really struggled to decide whether or not to get another dog. In the end, I did, and am now glad I did, but things were rocky in the beginning.

Is keeping Meg an option for you? I know some people aren't able to keep their retired dogs, and, for some, even if they could, they wouldn't really want to, for various reasons.

Please know that I am here for you, and, if you ever want to talk, vent, etc., I'm glad to support you.

It sounds like you're doing what's right for Meg. Let that be a comfort to you, even though, it might not seem like much of one sometimes. The right decisions are often the hardest to make.

BTW, congrats on acing your quiz. You deserve something positive right now.

Feb. 19th, 2007 06:04 am (UTC)
Wow, I don't really know quite what to say here but didn't feel like I could read this post and not respond at all.

Not being a dog guide user myself I'm not exactly sure what retirement is like or to have to make that decision, but I know that it has to be hard. I hope you can find plenty of things as a support system for you during this time, and I hope the concept that this is the best thing for Meg is at least some consolation. They say everything happens for a reason I guess.

As for your med situation, I sort of understand that one. Granted, it's only 1 med for me, but I am about sick of the insurance folks changing out my nasal spray! Last time it was from nasacort to rinocort, I will not do that again after changing back to nasacort, and now they want to change me over to nasonex. Well, I'll try anything once, especially if it saves money, but if it's anything like the rinocort was, that crap is going to be stopped. Isn't health care fun?

Good luck with the remainder of the semester. I hope you can get everything done with your sanity in tact.
Feb. 26th, 2007 01:56 am (UTC)
Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you have to retire Meg sooner than you had hoped. I don't know--I guess there's never really a "right" time to do all this. Hugs to you, and I will pray for you and for Meg.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )


Sarah Blake LaRose
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