I’m having a bunch of seemingly random musings... I'm thinking about the worship class and the discussions we have about choruses vs. hymns and about what Dr. Stafford said about knowing God vs. having information about God. I'm thinking about Marty saying she had no way to connect with me in chapel... It's a two-way problem. I had one of the most profound worship experiences of my life on Tuesday. I suddenly realized the profound truth in a song and the implications it had for my life, and I was singing at a volume I had never managed before in my whole life. I began to cry, and a spirit of praise came over me. I raised my hands—I never am bold enough to do such a thing.
I wondered if anyone noticed that I was bawling and singing and wondered why, if they would think it was too private to ask about. We were singing a chorus, probably one of the most "boring" songs in existence if you look at it from the standpoint of how many words or verses it has. But it's the kind of thing that doesn't need any verses, and it feels wrong to have that kind of experience and keep it to myself.
I live, I live Because He has risen. I live, I live With power over sin. I live, I live, Because He has risen. I live, I live To worship Him. Thank You Jesus, Thank You Jesus. Because You're alive, Because You're alive, Because You're alive - I live.
It's the kind of thing that is supposed to be shared, not my little private praise. When I am having a profound experience like that, it radiates from me to the next person and the next... Perhaps for the one next to me who is struggling with sin, the Spirit would use my praise as a catalyst for transformation in that person’s life, and perhaps I might be on hand to agree in prayer with the person... But I don't know how to connect in chapel at all—or in church—and I can’t participate in that process of community.