Healings in Biblical times always had significance... We people with disabilities today don't like to think about this much. It feels stigmatizing. How dare a person imply that I don't understand spiritual truth simply because my physical eyes don't work, or prevent my friend from serving because she can't walk and she is perceived as weak? The temptation is to throw out the old comparisons and form a completely new theology: a theology of access--or something else that fits the need.
But sometimes there are parallels that can and should be drawn in healings. To fail to do so is to ignore a part of God's truth--to blind ourselves and shake our fists in the face of God, to think that we know better than He what truth ought to be. As a person with a disability, I am very uncomfortable with this notion. I am not ashamed of the idea that my disabilities might be redemptive. I am not ashamed to know that there may even be important redemptive action for myself in the state of my body. Shall I ask for healing only to spend it on my own agenda? Shall I quench the Spirit so that I can content myself with whatever theology feels good to me? Both acts are equally disobedient--and equally immature. It's ok to ask questions; but if we ask questions, we should be brave enough to face the answers!
God is healing my voice. I have been sensing it for a while, experiencing "visions" of myself singing... In the visions, I sing with a loud, soulful voice that I have never known before. It's a kind of awe-inspiring thing to experience, even as a vision. This morning, I was home from church while Alexis attended so that I could get some things done that needed doing. I began to sing--and I heard the voice from the visions!
I have not really done much singing since my surgery in April. Part of this is that I am intimidated about singing with other people in the house. Part of it is because of all the infection I have had. Singing has just been plain difficult. Now that healing is coming, I must get past my timidity and learn to sing boldly, to use the new voice that God is giving me.
The same is happening to me spiritually. I am learning so much new truth, experiencing so much healing in the deep places of my life! But I am still very timid about speaking it. I have been silent as the healing has been taking place; and much of the silence has been out of necessity. But I must begin to learn to exercise my voice, to use it as it is meant to be used: with all of its power and dynamic ability, sometimes loud and bold and sometimes soft and soothing. As God heals me, I don't need to fear being awkward or too loud or "ugly" at the wrong times. His healing makes my voice fit for the message that He gives to me, and I should not be afraid to speak it or to sing it--spiritually or physically.
If I had been afraid of the theology of healing, if I had focused only on how I felt as a person with voice difficulties and allowed myself to remain offended by the idea that God wanted to use my difficulties as a teaching instrument, I would have missed such a beautiful truth!