Today has been a fabulous day as far as closure regarding Meg's retirement goes. Today's chapel service was dedicated to the provision of "servant towels" for the graduating seniors. My friend, Marty, came back from out of state for the service; and time was set aside at the end of the service for a short recognition of Meghan and a prayer for our transition. Alexis joined us as part of her care team and stand-in for my parents, and the whole thing was beautiful and healing. Meg felt well all day, and she even was well enough to manage the stairs in the student center and show off to Marty how she can find the coffee bar. We went over to the Learning Center so she could get some pets there. It was really a fabulous day, and if she doesn't feel like working next week I'll be all right.
I even pulled my cane out a couple of times and demonstrated. That was truly a healing experience. I'm not ashamed of blindness; but I explained to Marty that I learned quickly that the cane was not the answer to all the things I wanted to do (like running) and that it was a stigmatizing thing in many people's minds even though I was only seven years old. I contrasted my own attitudes as a seven-year-old with those of C, who is quite thoughtful but still extremely innocent. I wish I had been like her--and I miss her!
But the point about the cane story is that I cannot be ashamed or afraid to show up with it now. Everyone knows why I will have it. No one will ridicule me or ask me what it's for. Meg will be all right home with Alexis. And I will be all right, too. ... And if I'm not, everyone certainly will understand why! Crying is part of the retirement process. It isn't normal to transition dogs without crying; and if I don't allow myself to cry, I will hinder the new working relationship. I do know all this.
Lunch with Alexis, Marty, and Dr. Brewer tomorrow. A big bright spot: three of the most supportive people in my life this year will be at the same table with me. And I will finish another paper. For now, I need some sleep. I'm surprised that I am still able to think at all.
Prepare for many reflections this weekend. I have copious notes from class this morning, in whish he was using material from my paper and notes. How could he have known? By the way, I got a B. Thought I'd mention it again because I am just awed! Wow!