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I walked over to get muffins during the break this morning. On the way back, I noticed that I could see the grass line off to my right. At the same time, I was watching off to my left for the big garbage can that served as a landmark indicating the location of the sidewalk where I should turn toward the library. I was surprised that I could see a wide enough area to do this--my field has become much smaller than what I remember it being. I found myself thinking a lot of things. Are my vitamins helping? What about the people who run around every day who never have vision? What message am I sending about my impressions of their capabilities if I rely on my vision all the time?

But if I ignore an ability that God has allowed me to have, am I rejecting it? What am I saying about all of those prayers I prayed, all that struggling I did? Wouldn't I be saying that it was all just empty words, that I didn't mean any of it? Doesn't it make more sense to use what I have, to fully be the person God made me to be? Otherwise, aren't I settling for less than who I am, saying that I know better than He what kind of person I should be? Certainly, if I lose my vision, then I cope with it; but if I have it, why should I deny it? That is no better than denying my limitations.

And suddenly, being without Meg was ok. I could not have learned the lesson with her. I would have been in too much of a hurry.


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 27th, 2007 02:26 am (UTC)
I don't really have any inspiring thoughts or advice, but I will pray for you to have wisdom in knowing how to handle yourself in this, and to know the right kind of prayers to pray - the type of wisdom that can only come from a sustained dialogue with God.

I have been reading your updates, just haven't had much time to comment lately. School has been a bit of a bear.
Apr. 27th, 2007 03:14 am (UTC)
I periodically read your web site and have sent you messages in the past. (I used to work in Anderson). I was so sorry to hear about you having to retire Meghan. I never really thought about how hard that must be. I am sure it is difficult to start with a new dog and re-teach everything to her. Hopefully May will be a good month to be in North Jersey, not too hot. Good luck up at TSE. I look forward to reading your posts from TSE and hearing about your new guide. Kim
Apr. 27th, 2007 08:22 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading! It feels very good to have a definite plan! I'll be posting lots of updates here.
Apr. 27th, 2007 03:45 am (UTC)
My mobility instructor always said that I relied on my vision too much. I hate the idea of sleep shading myself. My vision loss is so gradual that I take it as it comes.
Apr. 27th, 2007 04:33 am (UTC)
*hugs* I find the hardest part of low vision is trying to figure out when to rely on my vision and when not to, and when I'm relying on it too much versus not enough. I haven't yet figured out how to figure that out myself, nor how to feel comfortable reading braille one minute and then writing something now in my (large print) calendar the next without feeling slightly awkward. I don't really have any helpful advice, though, but I'm glad something good came out of your situation even though Meg wasn't there.
Apr. 27th, 2007 03:06 pm (UTC)
I think you'll find your way through this just fine. I agree with kindletheflame that knowing when to and when not to rely on your vision is important, and I can't imagine it being an easy process for anyone. You'll be in my thoughts, and I'll light a candle for you and hope you find what's the right/best solution for you.

How is Meg doing?
Apr. 27th, 2007 03:40 pm (UTC)
Meg is doing really well considering the circumstances. She is very sedate, and my cats know this--Inca is acting very unhappy, even when Meg is here visiting. But she is adjusting well to the transition and seems to be pain and seizure free. This is what we hoped for, and I'm happy about it.
Apr. 27th, 2007 03:43 pm (UTC)
Re: Meg
I'm glad that she seems to be doing well. It seems like it's been a rough year for you and your animals who do so much for you.
I really hope things stay well
Apr. 27th, 2007 05:05 pm (UTC)
Re: Meg
Yeah, it's been very hard for us this year. I hope that next year will bring more stability or at least some time that I can spend working on some projects to bring in some income. The cats are getting old enough that I need to watcch their health more closely, and I need to put back some money for this.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


Sarah Blake LaRose
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