Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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an epiphany

I still find myself in an undergraduate mindset quite a bit of the time...

I have a number of large papers due this semester. I was awake late last night, going through my schedule and creating a separate file of paper-related due dates. For some reason, the master schedule alone isn't cutting it this semester. I need something that I can look at to remind me what is coming up weeks down the road. The weekly assignments are so heavy that I am likely to forget about working on papers if I don't do something to remind myself in the meantime...

Having done this, I got some sleep--and promptly woke up at 5:00. Since I'm not really interested in destroying the good thing that is my body's recognition that 5:00 is a good time to get up on class days, I got up and did class things: looked at some paper stuff.

It occurs to me that these papers are opportunities for me to assert my own ideas. In fact, they aren't just opportunities. That is the point: for me to find out what other people are doing and then develop my own thought patterns in comparison and defend them. I don't know why i ttook me so long to realize that this was the point. Perhaps I was too intimidated by the process. Perhaps I have been too afraid that my own ideas are not worth defending. Perhaps I am too afraid that I'm not good at defending them. I'm not sure what the reason is. In any case, I really must get out of the undergraduate mindset, in which I am trying to provide summaries and right answers. It cannot be done in seminary. Ministers are not summarizers. Ministers are agents of life change. How can I be such a thing if I don't commit myself to some way of thinking and build a case for calling people to come along with it? The answer is that I would not be able to. Whether or not to respond is a person's choice; but if I never pose the question, no one has the option to answer.


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