Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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late night reflections

I hoped to snag some reflection time this evening... I have been doing homework--three hours on one assignment--so I am doing reflections at this crazy hour. I'm not done yet. I anticipate another 45 minutes to an hour and then I get to do a chart... I really dislike charts, although I see the point of this one at least for everyone else. It would allow for the comparison of details related to particular events. It doesn't work for me. I had this problem with an assignment last year and ended up spending six hours on the assignment. The same thing is happening on this one. The solution is I need to get to the assignments for this course earlier in the week. In order to do that, I would need to sacrifice some reading... I don't really have much wiggle room unless I stop taking little breaks or sleeping.

I had a conversation with someone this afternoon about doctoral programs--actually about the idea of taking a year or two off after finishing this degree to get some practical experience. He said he thought it was a wise idea because "if you think this is a lot of reading, wait until you get there." Unfortunately, if I take any time off, the vocational rehabilitation agency will ride my case for not sticking with my program... (When I am too tired, I become far too emotional and over-thoughtful about things like this. Right now I could be sleeping.)

The weather is changing, and my pain management is poor. The only positive impact of Vicodin today has been two hours without pain and a good deal more awake time, which I used to work on this assignment. Since I ate a muffin this morning and that means I post about something positive, I should mention that I am extremely grateful that Vicodin does not increase my need for sleep. Pain makes me tired enough. I don't want or need medication fatigue on top of it.

Yesterday I tried something new. Someone came up at church and began asking questions about the dogs--without learning anything about me or Alexis. I asked her name and then began quizzing her about how long she had been at the church, how long she had lived here, where she went to church previously, etc. This particular time, it worked.

I've decided that the next time someone talks to me about being inspirational because I am in school or doing some other normal thing in spite of blindness, I just may tell them that I would be happy to provide them some inspiration fodder but that I have reasons to inspire that they have probably never thought of and would they like to hear it. If they say yes, I will start it out by explaining that there are always ways to work around blindness if a person is willing to learn, but true inspiration comes from dealing with circumstances that cannot be worked around, going on and doing things that really should be too hard to do (e.g. singing or fulfilling a speaking engagement when you can only speak five words at a time, continuing to go to social events when no one responds to your attempts at building friendships, or doing something you didn't think you could do and realizing that it is done). We will see if this works as well as asking the lady how long she's been at the church.

Need some sleep now...


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