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today's goings-on

I read two chapters and posted two forum posts for my online theology class today--one of the posts was about the chapter I read yesterday. Not bad really... I wrote the post for the third chapter but will probably post it in the morning since I think there is more I want to say but I am so tired. This leaves two theology chapters, one NT chapter, and a bit of reading for specialized ministries... Then I can work on my OT paper. I'm still lagging on that paper. But at least I am working. I took a long nap in the afternoon, and it was wonderful.

I had some very minor eye pain this evening. It was easily knocked out. I got a nice report this morning and found out some information. The membrane is apparently an immune system reaction to the presence of the implant, and it is possible that it can return in the future. Whether these things have anything to do with my autoimmune disease is anyone's guess. I will always wonder whether there is any connection between my chronic pain, respiratory illnesses, and history of multiple cornea rejections. I don't think that anyone will ever figure it out, but something in my deep inside tells me that all of this is related.

In any case, I am now on Prednisone eye drops eight times a day as well as the oral 9 mg for my pain issues. This is going to take a tremendous toll on my emotions, and my only consolation is the fact that I have been in therapy to learn how to respond well to those emotions. I'm not always successful, but I am a lot better than I once was. I can now formulate the sentence, "I am very angry," or, "I am feeling very hurt, but I know that this is not personal," instead of simply lashing out. It is simply very tiring to have to do this on a constant basis. As my therapist and I have talked about, people are meant to have breaks from stress, not to carry it around for years on end like I have been doing. At some point this really does need to settle down.

I am sleeping with my head elevated for the time being in order to prevent fluid from building in the eye. This is not a problem except that it puts strain on my back. The resulting back pain aggravates my sort of turbulent mood. I hope the head elevation can stop soon. It would be a blessing.

Tomorrow, perhaps I will try posting some reflections from the semester's goings-on.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 20th, 2007 01:34 pm (UTC)
Hang in there.
Well--for what it's worth, as we've discussed over the past couple of days, the people that are closest to you--your friends and stuff will understand.
It's hard, but you will get through it!
Oct. 20th, 2007 02:02 pm (UTC)
All the progress you have made...
You know in light of all that you have gone through in your life, you continue to evolve into a wonderful person...I love to hear your laugh on the voice postings...it is so genuine and filled with delight. I do know it is so very hard to get rid of the questions, hard feelings and stress. I live with those kinds of issues and have had therapy to help me learn how to be more positive and dump the stress (it does shorten your life). But that is just hard...you do so good for awhile and then a couple of things happen...and there you are all stressed out again... I have been told to just give it up to God...and I sure want to, but it's not easily done...at least for me..so I just keep trying....and that's what I see you doing...just continuing to try to do things that will help...and that's all you can do. I think this journal helps you...thank God for that...writing is such a wonderful way of getting things out isn't it? It looks like its going to be a pretty day...so you have a good one and let's plan a lunch or Starbucks break soon...then we all can talk and laugh some! Dori liked you talking to her last night...she just had a bone so with a full tummy she's back in la la land!
Oct. 20th, 2007 04:17 pm (UTC)
I had cataracts removed in both eyes last year so I empathize. I'm sorry you're going through so much. When it rains, it pours. I want you to know I'm thinking of you.
Oct. 20th, 2007 05:14 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! It really is helpful to know that people are thinking of me. I don't know how I did this in 1999 with the many Prednisone drops and unstabilized moods... I feel like I am going absolutely insane now. I think I really need to revisit that period and find out what I was drawing on...
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


Sarah Blake LaRose
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