Sarah Blake LaRose (3kitties) wrote,
Sarah Blake LaRose

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today's goings-on

I read two chapters and posted two forum posts for my online theology class today--one of the posts was about the chapter I read yesterday. Not bad really... I wrote the post for the third chapter but will probably post it in the morning since I think there is more I want to say but I am so tired. This leaves two theology chapters, one NT chapter, and a bit of reading for specialized ministries... Then I can work on my OT paper. I'm still lagging on that paper. But at least I am working. I took a long nap in the afternoon, and it was wonderful.

I had some very minor eye pain this evening. It was easily knocked out. I got a nice report this morning and found out some information. The membrane is apparently an immune system reaction to the presence of the implant, and it is possible that it can return in the future. Whether these things have anything to do with my autoimmune disease is anyone's guess. I will always wonder whether there is any connection between my chronic pain, respiratory illnesses, and history of multiple cornea rejections. I don't think that anyone will ever figure it out, but something in my deep inside tells me that all of this is related.

In any case, I am now on Prednisone eye drops eight times a day as well as the oral 9 mg for my pain issues. This is going to take a tremendous toll on my emotions, and my only consolation is the fact that I have been in therapy to learn how to respond well to those emotions. I'm not always successful, but I am a lot better than I once was. I can now formulate the sentence, "I am very angry," or, "I am feeling very hurt, but I know that this is not personal," instead of simply lashing out. It is simply very tiring to have to do this on a constant basis. As my therapist and I have talked about, people are meant to have breaks from stress, not to carry it around for years on end like I have been doing. At some point this really does need to settle down.

I am sleeping with my head elevated for the time being in order to prevent fluid from building in the eye. This is not a problem except that it puts strain on my back. The resulting back pain aggravates my sort of turbulent mood. I hope the head elevation can stop soon. It would be a blessing.

Tomorrow, perhaps I will try posting some reflections from the semester's goings-on.


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