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My dad sent me the following, complete with the blurb at the end which I find just adds to the humor.

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
P: Aircraft handles funny.
(I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last...
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


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( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 13th, 2008 03:39 pm (UTC)
That was really funny! Thanks for sharing!
Aug. 13th, 2008 03:50 pm (UTC)
I was rolling with laughter after reading this one. I loved it and thank you for makig my day.
Aug. 13th, 2008 06:11 pm (UTC)
*big snicker*
At one point I put together some of the stranger stuff I saw when I was admissions coordinator for a sheltered workshop system.

Only ones I remember without thinking about them are [and I've long since unlearned the DSM codes]:

"Diagnosis DSM 3.018, Congenial mental retardation"


"She volunteered to take me on a mini-tour of the grounds. She took me to the woodworking shop and showed me some friends that she made there."

Aug. 14th, 2008 02:08 am (UTC)
That's the best funny I've gotten in a long time.
Aug. 14th, 2008 05:58 am (UTC)

Sarah--Sarah? I think I should have waited until tomorro (later today) instead of reading this at almost two in the dang morning!

Lord and lady... I nearly got myself in trouble I laughed so hard! I loved the one about "target monitor reprogrammed with lyrics!" That one was great!

Ok... need, too... calm, down so I can sleep... ...!


the Phoenix
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


Sarah Blake LaRose
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