Why is it that I seem to always want to write 1995 when I date entries in my offline journal? Maybe that's worth thinking about. For now, I'll just do a little update.
I haven't written an update about my eye in a while. There isn't much to tell. Because of the changes in the way the surgery was done for me, I may not need to have "stage 2." Since they put a piece of the old cornea over the implant instead of the piece of conjunctiva, I've been able to see better since the surgery. The cornea has stayed clear, and as long as it stays clear it seems better not to remove it. I won't have too much more improvement even with the implant fully exposed, but I think that if it becomes cloudy it can be removed easily enough.
I had a massage a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't had any migraine symptoms since then. I think maybe an occasional massage could be very helpful for me. I've had a lot more energy, and that seems to be helping me a lot.
I captured nine episodes on the heart monitor, and comparing them with the diary I am fairly certain that at least some of them are anxiety/panic attacks. I had a discussion with my therapist last week about how ongoing stress teaches the body to operate in a heightened state of "fight or flight" on a regular basis. That seems to be what's happening to me.
We talked about the idea of me taking Xanax as needed and my fear of dependency. My current dosage is fairly safe, and I think that if I monitor the usage I'll be all right, and I can work on alternative methods of handling the episodes in the meantime. I haven't had a problem with dependency on pain meds, so I should be all right.