Oh I'm laughing! And I needed a good laugh!
A friend of mine once diagnosed me with cluster headaches. Because she knows more about headaches (and mine in particular) than I do, and more than the medical establishment does. Because though I keep a record of headache activity, I wouldn't notice cluster tendencies. Despite the fact that I'm a woman,
and cluster headaches are more often suffered by men. Despite the fact that my mother and grandmother and great grandmother before me all had or have migraines. Despite the fact that I see one of the country's foremost neurophthalmologists in the country. Because all that information and education out there? It's all hooey.
My employer says that she used to get migraines and one day she decided she just wasn't going to get them anymore. She willed them away.
My head hurts because I must have high blood pressure (why, no! I don't have high blood pressure).
I should try sleeping flat on the floor.
And you know this works because you do it every night? And it doesn't mess up your back?
It's because I wasn't breastfed.
And you know whether or not I was breastfed how?
It's probably an infection in my ears (?!).
Well, that would be causing pain in my ears if I'm not mistaken.</b>
If I really had a headache, I wouldn't be able to come to work.
And that's because headaches make my legs not work or something? Really it's because despite the way I feel, society DOES still expect me to act like a human being.
It's not related to the weather - that's just silly.
Then I'll happily trade heads for a while. Or else you can donate a dollar every time I tell you ahead of time that it's going to rain. Then tell me it's not silly.
If it really lasted more than a day, I'd be dead from the pain.
Pain can kill? Oh, now that is interesting! This must come from someone who's never had one of those 19-hour labors...
Maybe I'm epileptic.
They forgot about the seizure myths: headaches don't make you thrash around on the floor. Never mind... I'm the last person who should be saying sarcastic things about seizures.
Maybe I just need new contacts and glasses.
Hey, I'd like some of those anyway!
If I had more important things to worry about, I'd forget my headache.
So much for the stress-causes-headaches theory... Yeah, I'm just bored, so I think I'll have a headache today. Why don't you try it sometime?
My hair is too heavy.
Just too funny! Perhaps this is a good reason to walk around bald! I don't suppose that says much for those poor men with cluster headaches.
I don't look like I feel bad.
What does a person in pain look like? We won't even discuss those other phases of migraine... Just what do those look like?
And my all-time favorite: I should take a Bufferin.